5 major concerns that give sleepless nights to single parent

Parenting is fun, provided we are trained on that, unfortunately we have to learn by experiences !

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5 Major concerns of Single Parents

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1. Timing Crunch: Unable to give time is a loud response of most single and working parent. Work-Life balance is often talked but hardly practiced by these single parents. It is quite an acceptable situation to believe, however a simple rule of life says “Larger the time you invest in any relationship, stronger the relationship will be” Going by this fact, one should plan as much time as possible to be with the child no matter what age is of your child. Here are some time tested techniques:

  • Before and After office hours, make a systematic routine to shrink your world only for your child. Mobile phones and social media are a strict NO.
  • Compulsory joint activity such a swimming, exercising, or even reading books together can bring magical outcome
  • Try not to talk sensitive topics such as career, money, education, friends etc.,until you establish a deeper connection. Do not mimic yourself like your parent.

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2. Missing Emotional Cord: Less time spend with child can lead to constant erosion in emotions. Creche and Baby sitting or even sometime your own people can not provide the emotional cushion that child seeks from you. By saying those sweet words like “love you my prince..” or “take care my princess” will not serve the purpose. What is needed is real emotions and not socially faked one. Here are some recommendations:

  •  Be with child in his/her own small world and just be there.
  •  Undivided attention and caressing as much as you can will help you a lot.
  •  Celebrate smallest moment of their day.
  •  Again, like suggested in earlier point, go on a joint activity, walking, playing etc will help you establish your loving caring image in child’s mind.

 

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3. Lack of trust: As child grows older, he watches you going through your own personal grind, and continue to remain scared of loosing you, soon he will develop fear and mistrust. On the other side, he may start hiding things from you fearing a strong opposition. This cycle becomes frequent as the child grows older and turns in his/her teen age. Most recommended ways to build trust are:

  • Do not hide anything from your child, be it your own relationship with other person, or your professional challenges.
  • Share as much as you can with your child without doubting his/her maturity. This will open the highway of communication.
  • Involve your child in all important matters and discussion, it will instil the sense of responsibility and develop transparency in relationship

 

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4. Establishing Disciplines: The most difficult task for single parent is to establish the norms and standards of discipline in house. Since the amount of work and other responsibilities loom over head, parent might end up being softer to the child and more pampering parent. This behaviour is chiefly exhibited with a thought of not letting the child suffer the trauma of having single parent at home. But after sometime it becomes difficult to set the rules. Try following ways if that is the case:

  •  Set the ground rules and announce them.
  •  You adhere each rule without any exception.
  •  Discipline is better inculcated rather than being imposed.
  •  Bring Equality and Transparency in every matter and for every child.

 

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5. Managing Career Aspiration: Majority working single parent feels that career is jeopardised if focus is shifted on child. Parent constantly remain under stress of being selective, selective for career, location, type of work etc. There are cases where even single parents have been successful. It is all about deciding priorities at the beginning and than setting the different family and professional goals. Here are some workable recommendations to manage your career aspiration:

  • First thing first, set your short term, medium term and long term goals. Goals are family goals and professional goals.
  • Identify and create a better support system
  • Set clear expectations with child about the importance and need to have better career. Even you may have to set expectations with your parents.
  • Set expectations with your employer, supervisor and other stake holders, about your time devotion for the work.
  • Develop an acceptance for your strengths and your limitations, this will reduce self-stress.

 

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Shape up your Attitude

5 most effective ways to shape winning Attitude

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Understand your Attitude profile:

It is quite an important aspect to know about what type of attitude we carry. People have been classifying attitude as Positive attitude and Negative attitude. I am giving you another dimension to this, it is not always necessary that we have either of these two. Some time we are in between these two. One may have passive attitude and one may have enrolling attitude also.

Let us assume if attitude is a continuum, then perhaps we can have three more dimensions to add to it.

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Negative Attitude:

  • Not willing to change for better
  • Not ready to accept another perspective
  • Not keen for self-development
  • Only there to blame others
  • Strong belief about ‘nothing will change’
  • Absence of optimism for life’s good thing.

Passive Attitude:

  • Slow in adopting the change
  • Resistive mostly for everything
  • Self-development is last priority if forced
  • Highly contended or portray as satisfied
  • Not much bother about the change
  • Fearful to try out new things

Selective Positive Attitude:

  • Willing to change but within the comfort zone
  • Present logic and debate or do reasoning before adopting the views
  • Self-development is interesting provided if it is quickly benefiting
  • Raises voice or demand better things if all others are doing so
  • Seek support and assurance of own people
  • Prefer to be in the group but will not lead it

Positive Attitude:

  • Shows readiness to change
  • Accept other’s views with fair judgement
  • Ready to invest time for self-development with a view to leverage for growth
  • Support the larger cause and stay away from conflict and conflicting people
  • Seek appreciation or admiration to boost self-morale
  • Willing to take risk but with an assurance to be supported if fail

Enrolling Attitude:

  • Embrace the change and look forward to new challenge
  • Consider and build consensus with others on differing views
  • Self-development is the daily activity and without looking for any quick benefits
  • Take initiative and dissolve the self-identity during a larger cause
  • Do not bother about the appreciation or the outcome, just keep working
  • Shows no fear of any sort, always ready to face new challenge.

5 Ways to shape up Winning Attitude:

  1. Identify your Attitude Profile:

Decides which level you are on the Attitude Continuum.It is important to accept and acknowledge about our own self. Once you know your attitude profile, next is to prepare for the shift. Shift from your current attitude to the new level. Let us accept that human mind does not work like a switch off-on machine, it will develop over a period by repetitive actions and activities. Take one behavior at a time and change it. Behavior change is quite an easy task if done in the presence of a coach or mentor. They will guide you and assist you in your journey.

  1. Expand Knowledge base:

Read books and Stories those are inspiring yet real. Reading books have been proven way to build the strong character of human being. Develop a habit of reading books and implement the learning in your day to day life. Track your progress and make your best friend or buddy as your third umpire, who will give you neutral feedback.

  1. Cut the cord with People:

Delete or Unfriend those people who are negative or keep influencing you negatively. Remember to keep a healthy heart, doctor removes the blocked arteries. If you are surrounded by negative people it is advisable to shift the place or location may be.

  1. Develop Self-belief:

People with higher self-belief grows faster. If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody will believe in you. To enhance Self-belief, start taking decisions, without worrying about the outcome. Soon you will develop confidence on your decision power and will gather the courage to the on bigger tasks.

  1. Keep Monitoring:

Self-monitoring is the best way to change our behavior. In case if you fail to do monitoring take help of your friends, coach or mentor who will tell you where you are heading towards. If you stop monitoring, soon you will see your attitude has stagnated at level and you will not be able to move forward.

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