How to overcome the Trauma of Separation, Divorce & Break-up

Relationship turmoil, Break ups, and divorces are increasingly becoming a reality of the 21st century. Let us for a while keep aside the issue of who is right and who is wrong, let us discuss about the after shocks and after effects of such divorces and break ups. What goes after the two people part their ways? How the husband is coping up and how the wife is managing the social sarcasm? Trust me, this is even more critical when divorce has been granted after a hell journey of court case and police interventions. Although most divorces are going through a route of ‘out of court settlement’, but it certainly leaves a deeper scar on  the mental frame of the individual.

Let us take a case of Rohini and Mohan, a happily engaged couple and like any other aspiring couple they too wanted all heavenly pleasure and material world attainment. Mohan was young energetic and working as an software engineer with a tech company. This was in fact his first job after he has completed his degree engineering 2 years back. Parents were now eager to ensure Mohan gets the perfect wife and quickly settle down in his life. Mohan’s father was working with a government sector and at a reputed position. With his all social connects and reputation they soon met Rohini’s (Now estranged wife of Mohan) parents. Rohini was good looking girl and like any other girl she was also career aspiring girl and she did her graduation in law and pursuing career in law firm as an assistant.

Both Mohan and Rohini met and they found themselves as ‘made for each other’ and soon they got married. The trouble begun immediately after the marriage. Both of them have had verbal exchanges and aggressive fights on several occasions. Parents of Mohan did try to intervene but they failed. Fight episodes have increased and eventually Rohini left home and went to her parent’s home. The worst nightmare starts for Mohan and his parents now!

Rohini filed a police complain of physical torture and harassment case against Mohan and his parents. After a hell time of about 2 years and spending lots of money they were set free and both granted divorce. Mohan was subjected to continue to pay Rohini monthly alimony (Higher than what he was actually able to pay). Their property was disposed off and practically Mohan was clueless as to how he will continue to pay money and how long? Although his job was continued but since it was very initial phase of his career, he wasn’t making a huge sum in terms of salary.

Mohan was passing through sever depression, fear psychosis and was unable to re-start his life.

Here is what SkillGenie recommends as actionable:

  • Gather all your courage and do a self assessment, may be do a SWOT analysis. If need be take expert’s help for this.
  • Figure out What you are good at.
  • In case if you are planning to change the job, than do take a small vacation before joining.
  • Change all your social network settings to single, let social courage helps you to stabilise faster.
  • Try and cut all your past connections with your Ex.
  • Join a regular gym or yoga classes and give your body and mind a new lease of life
  • Do fresh shopping with keeping your single status in mind (sounds silly, yet shows remarkable impact on mental wellbeing).
  • Engage yourself in new pursuits, hobbies and surround yourself with friends and happy people.
  • Daily morning open a page from a notebook, tear it off and throw it in dustbin, and say “I have a new day, new life to write my own story”.
  • Listen to positive stories, videos, watch happy and light movies.

Above suggestions and actions are indicative, we can add few more depending on the individual situation.

Those who have suffered or are suffering a trauma of separation, I strongly recommend them to follow these guideline for better transition from one to another phase of life.

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