3 Most Effective ways to Teach Values to our Child
As parents we are designed to deliver few essential things to our kids. One such thing is teaching them values. Imagine, a situation where a father is a smoker, and how he would say to his child about “Do not smoke”? Well, exactly this and many other conflicting situations we face with our children.
Let us evaluate this, Out of 100 things that we do for our child, let us list down those which are value based. Of course buying clothes and toys and books would be considered as a mandatory service to our child. But, can we list down few things that will be clearly value based things? For example, asking your child to wash hands before eating food and finishing homework on time every time.
1. One at a time principle:
This is very important as we often give multiple values and overlapping advice, but it leaves little impact or no impact in some cases. Best way is to determine one value and continue to emphasis on that for about a fortnight or a month, depending on the child’s overall acceptance and understanding. Remember do not get tempted to pass on two three values in one go. One at a Time will be much easier for your child to remember and practice.
2. Exemplify your behaviour:
“Practice what you preach” Most parents complain that the child is not obeying the rules, my question to all those parents, “How many time do you obey rules?!” Child learn from observation. He sees you breaking the rules so easily and carelessly, for example while driving your car how often you jump the traffic signal? or how often you reach late to office ? and how often you lie over the phone when your child is listening your phone conversations? these are the indicators that we need to first exemplify the values.
3. Reward the behaviour genuinely:
It is easier to reinforce the learning if we timely appreciate and reward even a slightest behaviour change in our child. Most parents consider reward as a bribe and hence practice rewarding as and when they want to get over certain things. While few others think that rewarding will result in habit of ‘Give and take’ and so hardly reward their child. Remember parents, if you are willing to make your child a truly value centric adult in future, you got to give rewards for every improvement shown by your child. The catch here is to reward genuinely and reward behaviour. Do not reward for the sake of pleasing the child. Child is smart enough to understand your intention and gestures. You can reward him for keeping his books at a proper place, or watching Television at a scheduled time only, or even may be for washing his own clothes.
There are several ways we can inculcate the values in our child, but easier is the better. It also gives us a sense of satisfaction when we see immediate and profound change in our child. Do apply above techniques and see the different.
Have a Happy Parenting !
5 most effective ways to shape winning Attitude
Understand your Attitude profile:
It is quite an important aspect to know about what type of attitude we carry. People have been classifying attitude as Positive attitude and Negative attitude. I am giving you another dimension to this, it is not always necessary that we have either of these two. Some time we are in between these two. One may have passive attitude and one may have enrolling attitude also.
Let us assume if attitude is a continuum, then perhaps we can have three more dimensions to add to it.
- Not willing to change for better
- Not ready to accept another perspective
- Not keen for self-development
- Only there to blame others
- Strong belief about ‘nothing will change’
- Absence of optimism for life’s good thing.
- Slow in adopting the change
- Resistive mostly for everything
- Self-development is last priority if forced
- Highly contended or portray as satisfied
- Not much bother about the change
- Fearful to try out new things
Selective Positive Attitude:
- Willing to change but within the comfort zone
- Present logic and debate or do reasoning before adopting the views
- Self-development is interesting provided if it is quickly benefiting
- Raises voice or demand better things if all others are doing so
- Seek support and assurance of own people
- Prefer to be in the group but will not lead it
- Shows readiness to change
- Accept other’s views with fair judgement
- Ready to invest time for self-development with a view to leverage for growth
- Support the larger cause and stay away from conflict and conflicting people
- Seek appreciation or admiration to boost self-morale
- Willing to take risk but with an assurance to be supported if fail
- Embrace the change and look forward to new challenge
- Consider and build consensus with others on differing views
- Self-development is the daily activity and without looking for any quick benefits
- Take initiative and dissolve the self-identity during a larger cause
- Do not bother about the appreciation or the outcome, just keep working
- Shows no fear of any sort, always ready to face new challenge.
5 Ways to shape up Winning Attitude:
Identify your Attitude Profile:
Decides which level you are on the Attitude Continuum.It is important to accept and acknowledge about our own self. Once you know your attitude profile, next is to prepare for the shift. Shift from your current attitude to the new level. Let us accept that human mind does not work like a switch off-on machine, it will develop over a period by repetitive actions and activities. Take one behavior at a time and change it. Behavior change is quite an easy task if done in the presence of a coach or mentor. They will guide you and assist you in your journey.
Expand Knowledge base:
Read books and Stories those are inspiring yet real. Reading books have been proven way to build the strong character of human being. Develop a habit of reading books and implement the learning in your day to day life. Track your progress and make your best friend or buddy as your third umpire, who will give you neutral feedback.
Cut the cord with People:
Delete or Unfriend those people who are negative or keep influencing you negatively. Remember to keep a healthy heart, doctor removes the blocked arteries. If you are surrounded by negative people it is advisable to shift the place or location may be.
People with higher self-belief grows faster. If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody will believe in you. To enhance Self-belief, start taking decisions, without worrying about the outcome. Soon you will develop confidence on your decision power and will gather the courage to the on bigger tasks.
Self-monitoring is the best way to change our behavior. In case if you fail to do monitoring take help of your friends, coach or mentor who will tell you where you are heading towards. If you stop monitoring, soon you will see your attitude has stagnated at level and you will not be able to move forward.
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Grow Average OR grow Exponential – It all depends on How fast you Escape Velocity !
Let us see what is Time Zone in context to Success
Wonder why some people get ahead in life with almost equal IQ and identical talent, with that of others ? The answer is, ‘They used their time zone, while most people were relaxing they were working’
The concept of Time Zone:
It is simple to understand that we all are living in a particular time zone. For example your birth year the year you were born, along with you many others must have born, and hence all of you are part of a specific time zone. It is logical to assume that all must have got the same environment, resources and almost same facilities to grow barring some exceptions.
Plus, considering the fact that time zone shifts every five year (any revolution be it industrial or financial, or even political, that happens on an average every five years). So more or less all those who born in a particular year, are equal recipients of the resources for next five years.Than why some individuals become extra ordinarily successful compare to others of the same time zone ?
Secrets of Success:
- Those individuals who have grown exponentially, must have done exponential hard work and efforts during their frozen time zone.
- They must have non-diluted passion or focus through out their journey.
- While all average individuals were ‘flowing’ like a twig, automatically migrating from place to place; these hardworking individuals must have ensured that they separate themselves from twig to worthy humans.
- They must have put in great efforts without expecting instant returns.
5 points strategy for Success:
- Define your existing time zone and see have you enough worked to ‘Escape Velocity’ (Escaping Velocity means to overcome hurdles and obstacles that pull you down).
- Identify your core passion, without which you can’t think of your existence.
- Calculate the actual time left to create massive pull to Escape Velocity. Means to figure out how much time you can devote to live your passion.
- Failures will be essentially on your way, but remember you are into ‘Relative Time Zone’ effect, and hence everybody must have been passed through this ups and down cycle.
- There is always going to be provocation to leave your passion mid-way, but remind you that you want to create a pull to escape velocity of your Relative Time Zone.
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What is Social phobia?
We as humans have always been social animals. We prefer to live in habitat. We usually find people with similarity in lifestyle, food habits, and similar choices. We make friends, we play together, stay together and share joy, and pain together. This eventually give birth to large societies. It can be further divided into religions and caste etc. But we are largely social animals.
But there are a few who prefer to stay alone, avoid mixing in the groups and tend to be less social. They will avoid situations where they are part of a group. Sometimes it is normal to be such selective, however If it is a regular routine of your life than chances are higher that you might developing social phobia.
Some of the symptoms of Social Phobia
- Prefer to stay alone for longer period
- Hating the company of people
- Living in own world of dreams all through the day and night
- Avoid attending social gatherings such as marriages and other such gatherings.
- Always look for escaping the groups and meetings.
How to overcome the social phobia
There are of course two ways to tackle this problem. Firstly, one should consult a psychologist and get treated. Second is for people who are at the border of the phobia can do self-counselling.
Following are the key recommendations:
- Start trusting people (It has been observed that people with social phobia are usually not trusting). Believe that no one is there to harm you.
- Share your inner worries and fear with your friend and keep habit of sharing, slowly gradually make more friends.
- Develop self-confidence about your personality and have positive outlook about yourself.
- Keep yourself open to embrace new people and do a small self-talk before attending a social event.
- Do a small self pep-up talk before stepping out for social meetings.
- Accept there are different types of people and all are unique and so you too.
Things to avoid:
- Avoid being negative about any episode or person
- Stop being sarcastic about social system, fashion trends, people and their habits.
- Stop pampering yourself more than required.
- Avoid being too harsh or pushy about your opinion and views, remember views can be different
- Stop judging people’s intention and behavior.
- Do not run away from difficult situation, just do not run away.
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Most often we end up choosing the career which perhaps not the right one. We simply go for something because we have been told to do so, or may be under influence of the visible glory of the part…
Source: How to Choose Right Career?
Most often we end up choosing the career which perhaps not the right one. We simply go for something because we have been told to do so, or may be under influence of the visible glory of the particular job.
Softskills at times can come to your help. If we know the decision making skill.
Career selection has always been a stressful event. If we look back in our own life, many of us would feel the career that they have opted for currently could have been different if someone would have guided properly, or at least some help should have been there.
This is even becoming more critical as the competition is increasing, more and more parents are pushing their kids to select the best career and they even end up spending huge money to secure that ‘best’ career. While many can sail through such turmoil, many others find it so difficult to adjust with unpleasant career. Even if they accept the career, they may not excel in that. The cycle of non-performance will hit them soon.
Let us understand how the whole non-performance cycle works out. There are two friends Rahul and Rohan. They both have studied together in a same school and their track of securing good marks have pushed them to choose a career which is like extremely competitive. Rahul fairs well as he was clear about the choices he made, however, Rohan faced lots of struggle and fall out was he dropped the study mid way and chosen to study something else.He than opted for a course which would get him then high paying jobs. Soon he realise that the job market has changed! By the time he completed his studies, the scenario was different, he somehow got a job and now he is a mediocre employee and always on a look for ‘better’ options.
Selecting something based on fancy or glory or even out of force will never help you to grow in career. It will create more job related burn-outs. Rohan’s struggle is evident and many like him are facing such issues.
Career decision is the most critical decision for students and professionals, and if chosen a wrong career, one has to end up paying higher price in the later life.
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Help your child to show gratitude for the things he/she is receiving.
As parents we are always anxious about the weird behaviour of our child. Many parents even complain that their child is not valuing anything that we are giving. Most of the child’s demands are fulfilled instantly, still child does not have a feeling of gratitude or does not value those things. Do you want your child to develop gratitude and starts valuing the things he is receiving? You need to learn Parenting Skills.
Introduce the concept of ‘work to earn’
Work to earn is a concept if your child is trained on this, it will have miraculous effect on his ‘ thankless’ behavior. We as parents are too emotional most of the time and we do not want our child to suffer with a feeling of ‘less’ and so we provide everything that our child demands without saying NO. We sometime stretch financial budget to buy that costly remote control car, which the child will have no value! This leads to feeling of frustration and helplessness. Parenting Skills can help you over come this and many other child related issues.
How to implement ‘Work to Earn’ method
Child can understand simple things and so make work to earn a simple task for the child. Announce a coupon or token system. Each token is properly cut and made of hard grade paper material and should be long lasting (should resonate the value from its look). Each token is let say of $1 or Rs 1.
Important points to remember before implementing the method:
- Remember the highest denomination of the token will be of $10 or Rs 10.
- You may prepare three denominations like $1, $5, $10
- Decide the ‘Task value’ in advance and announce it to the child
- Task such as cleaning own room and arranging toys may fetch higher token value for example Rs 20 or $20
- Create enough excitement along with a stricter rules to earn the token
- Allow your child to earn as much as he wish in a day.
- The earned token will remain with him and let him accumulate the number of tokens.
- Set a day or a date when your child can convert the tokens into actual currency from you and can spend it as per his wish.
Above method if follow religiously, will have the best effect on child’s mind set and he will start valuing and appreciating the things. This is completely non harming and honest method to rebuild the child’s mind set.
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Do write us your feedback and experience after implementing the method.
The concept credit goes to the practicing psychologist Ms. Komal Baxi , for detail visit http://www.komalbaxi.com
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